Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Lydia Writes: Teaser Tuesday's

Excerpt from His To Keep. Draft 3.0

"I make my way upstairs to my bedroom. It’s a simple room. A room that lacks personality because it’s occupier doesn’t have one.
There’s a single bed with floral sheets, a wardrobe and a desk. The only decoration I have on the yellow walls is a wooden crucifix Gran forced me to put up. A reminder that God is always watching.
I make my way over to my desk and open the lid of my laptop. I hear the unfamiliar sound of Facebook Messenger ping and feel my forehead crease as I go to read.

Today, 17:06pm
Thank you for showing me around today, Ava.

            Heat seeps through me. All I can do is sit very still and stare at the screen, reading the message over and over again.
This morning I was called to the office. I had just sat down in class when my name sounded with a crackle from the speakers. I never got called to the office, so I nearly had a breakdown of the thought that maybe I was in trouble.
            I wasn’t in trouble.
Instead, I was to show a new pupil around school for the day. If I thought that was bad, when a boy stepped out of the principal’s office, I wanted the floor to swallow me. He was good looking. A slight tan to his skin, brown eyes and hair a mound of soft brown curls. He was much taller than me and was stood with his hands in his pockets in a casual, relaxed way.
Then, he smiled at me. It was just a normal smile and it was warm. It reminded me of Grandpa. 
Hey,” he greeted. “I’m Adam.”
A-Ava.” We shook hands and he smiled even wider when I blushed, not in cocky way, but in a kind way. Like maybe I could trust him.
I was forced to spend the day showing him around school. I was nervous around him and barely spoke. He filled the silence with chatter, talking with ease and confidence, even to people who asked who he was in the corridors between classes. I could tell they were impressed and that was going to be instantly popular.
I even expected him to stray after a while, but he didn’t. He stayed by my side all day. As I showed him the grounds, he told me it sucked to move to a new school senior year. I felt sorry for him. I’d been in this school all my life and still felt uncomfortable, so I couldn't imagine how he must feel to start again so late.
He told me his mom got depression after she miscarried his little sister. His dad thought a change of scenery might help her recover, so he got new job and they all moved from the city into a house that was a few blocks from mine.
He told me he was finding the transition hard because Little Willow was in the middle of nowhere. It’s true, but it’s better than other towns around. It has its own shopping mall, a cinema, and just recently opened a McDonald's a year ago. But I understood—other than the crappy little shops, it’s mostly surrounded by hills and forests.
A far cry from a city.
I was surprised by his openness and found myself telling him I’d lived in a city before too. That I found it strange moving here at first. He gave me a sympathetic smile and I felt emotion clog up my throat.
I was talking to someone. Actually talking.
I hadn’t in so long and it felt good. Normal. It didn’t seem to matter that he was a guy and I was forbidden to talk to him. It didn’t seem to matter when words flowed easily and the loneliness I had inside of me started to disappear.
Adam seemed nice and not like most boys in school. He talked about all kinds of things; like his favourite music and movies. He was easy-going and his jokes made me laugh.
It was nice.
It was nice to feel that again.

Today at 17:15pm
You’re welcome.

I hit send chewing on my fingernail. My heart beats faster when I see the speech bubble appear beneath. He’s typing something back. Maybe I shouldn’t have replied…
I glance at my bedroom door, terrified in case Gran comes upstairs. But she’s old and doesn’t understand technology. She doesn’t understand that I have access to the internet and have virtual window to a world she’s closed off to me.
It’s my secret. My only sin.

Today, 17:17pm
Maybe you could show me around town tomorrow after school? I heard there's a place that does awesome milkshakes.

He’s talking about Joe’s, a milkshake bar on Main Street. Immediately, I start to panic. He wants me to show him around town? Have milkshake?
My first thought is why. I barely said anything to him today and he made loads of friends by the time the day was finished. Friends that would be better and more fun at showing him around than me.
I breathe out slowly.
Gran will never allow this and then Adam will know the truth. He will see how pathetic I really am. Someone who is ruled and not allowed to do anything but breathe through misery.

Today, 17:30pm
I can't. I’m sorry.

I close the lid of my laptop before I see his reply. I wrap my arms around my body as guilt unfurls inside of me. To try and escape it, I lay down on my bed and push my face into my pillow. I want to scream, but I can’t even do that.
If God is truly watching me like Gran says he is, is he happy now? "

Coming Soon...

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Lydia Talks: Catching Up



What a hectic few months it has been...
First and foremost, hello. Yes, I'm alive. 😂

You know that pesky think called life? It got in the damn way again. How rude of it! Nothing bad, just very unavoidable and something I needed to do for a while.

 If you're wondering, yes, I redesigned my website/blog. What I was using before wasn't working for me. So, this is all brand, spanking new and I can't wait to get back into blogging again.

So, what have I been doing? Well...

Last October, I found out that I'm having another baby. It was a surprise. An extremely happy, scary surprise. I think I knew way before taking the test that I was pregnant. I had the signs and all that jazz, yet my reaction sitting in a public loo watching the test turn positive was still one of shock.

I think I might have even swore.

You know how it is at first. You find out something shocking and there's those few moments of sheer panic and fear. That positive test can't possibly be positive! I'll have to buy another. No, I'll buy ClearBlue, because that expensive shit won't lie to me.

I did buy ClearBlue, twice, and the result was the same. 

Shock turned into happiness, of course. The following months that came I started suffering from severe exhaustion. The sickness was there, too, but I was just so tired I couldn't function. 

First trimester shenanigans. 

I definitely couldn't write or blog. Any energy I did have went on my other son. That passed, thankfully. Second trimester was a breeze and I found out that I was having another boy!

Then baby brain kicked in. For those saying baby brain isn't a thing, it really is. For me, anyway. When you can't stop thinking about baby things, it leaves little room for anything else. My thoughts are baby everything. 

So when you want to murder your characters, you can't, because you can't stop being hormonal.

I'm in my third trimester now and it's just staring to get hard again. But, aside from lack of sleep and appetite and energy, I'm writing again! If you know me, you know I can only write via mood, and I seem to write best when I'm feeling particularly gloomy. 

I know it will probably be like this for a while, especially once the baby comes. But I said to myself, if I can write something every day, even if it's just a couple of words, it'll be okay. After I come back from maternity leave, I should be back to my focused self.

For now, I'm editing as much as I can, so that when I come back fully, I have it ready to go. I'm not being forthcoming on that for a reason that I will get into in another blog post. 

Oh, I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer again. 
The love is eternal.